Life is beautiful. I want to share the little gleaming moments with you as someone who sees through. And with each passing day, it gets easier to let go of the need to have you at my side. “There’s a near copy of them in every town,” a voice whispers. It’s your nearness I haven’t experienced, so how would I miss a sensation I have not felt? Sweet conversations are what we were. But as you’d said, we would sooner than later run in silence. I deserve more for myself.

Perhaps quality needs time to reach the now. We’ll be strangers again with your faded voice and blurred face. And only the integrated parts of you remain in me.

When my eyes shut, I hear your voice guiding me into the abyss. Our hands are outstretched in a space they’ll never meet.

You live in my imagination with no immediate importance. And I write not to soothe my soul but as form. My words are not of endearment, especially here, but of disappointment.

If you knew me well, you’d know my gaze does the talking.

Saturday
May 18, 2025
I stopped to let you in.
You entered.

"I love you," he said. 
Clearly not enough, when he broke her heart into a million pieces.
The man adds, "I haven't got around to it."

And you wonder why she was confused, "I love you?" she replied.

In that instant she heard her own words.

It is nearing winter, the same months, when all there is another year ahead and remanences of what was. A passing of time with enough distance to quell the depth of my soul. The surface tension oscillates in clutch between relax and run. A slow drown into silence of many last nights and last words.

Forever, by the light.

External stimuli is a guide, a tool to facilitate the path of free will.

Accept that life will be unfair. If you don’t know this already then here it is…

You are your worst enemy… and self-discovery is a personal journey. Free from the illusion of choice simply just to be. We all are, as we are. You have to do things… yourself because no one else will.

I am drawn to mass networks that converge. Conscious or not, humans are drawn to connection. Unless there is an internal disturbance, a darkness.

It’s as if I am destined for a congealed singularity, an idea that makes sense of existential meaning. I think every attempt I’ve made to diverge only draws me closer to a center.

hold me, my hand, for a minute longer. Our distance stretches the earth’s circumference and this moment freezes in time

source of anti-clock, Love nonsense

I am inclined to think twice more than once. I know how it starts, I nipped it in the bud. I feel lost in a sea of words. After initially using depression as a way to get time for myself – I feel better now in the silence of my own company. Am I expected to return to how things were before? The company I kept. Expectations differ, differed.
—
That was what’s been on my heart, this is now. Today: A light bulb went off when I heard, “Drive is more important than skill.” I add to this ‘So get it Done!’ Mhm, this very moment. Keep going, lil Rockstar.